It has been an evening of solitude amidst crowds.
Towards sunset I set out alone to the city, with the plan of attending orkut.com’s launch party and in hopes of meeting up with old friends. With no boyfriend in tow, I find myself curiously alone. It marks my first venture into the world of stand-alone-clubbing, and for that I commemorate this night.
It is a sad but true fact of life that girls attract notice when they walk around a club alone. Certainly, it doesn’t feel any different to me — for aren’t we all alone? even in the presence of company? But to the untrained eye of an outsider it signals availability and malcontent. Thus glances are more readily exchanged and words spoken.
I shall announce that tonight I left my true name and email with two previously unaffiliated guys — with the utmost sincerity of making friends, mind you. The existence of my boyfriend is readily — though not hasitly — revealed. (Haste is distasteful and must be avoided at all cost, say the Ents. We of the living shall strive for grace and shall not scramble in revealing personal information.) So anyway, blah blah.
On the way home I read several great articles in the Atlantic Monthly, walked to the grocery store and gathered commodities, and then walked home. There were few people on the road as I fearlessly trudged homeward. My white bulging plastic bags marked me as easy prey, but hey, I know kung-fu. In my mind I wielded an imaginary knife against imaginary assailants, heehaaing, triumphant, feeling manly. In truth I encountered few people and made no confrontational glares. Sailing alone across the darkside of the world, I glided past two groups of college freshmen being up to no good, past rollicking smokers and scantily clad guests of a house party. The world is ours to share and we stand not above, below, or beside, but rather apart from, each other.
And they don’t even know I keep a blog.