受人所托，翻译了Loreena McKennitt一首歌词。仔细一看原来是大诗人叶芝写的，心里就不免打鼓了。
放在这里，有高人来指点一二，免得拿出去被人笑话。
Stolen Child
by William Butler Yeats
Where dips the rocky highland
Of sleuth wood in the lake
There lies a leafy island
Where flapping herons wake
The drowsy water rats
There we’ve hid our fairy vats
Full of berries
And of reddest stolen cherries.
Come away, oh human child
To the waters and the wild
With a faery hand in hand
For the world’s more full of weeping
Than you can understand.
Where the wave of moonlight glosses
The dim grey sands with light
By far off furthest rosses
We foot it all the night
Weaving olden dances
Mingling hands and mingling glances
Till the moon has taken flight
To and fro we leap
And chase the frothy bubbles
Whilst the world is full of troubles
And is anxious in its sleep.
Away with us he’s going
The solemned eyed
He’ll hear no more the lowing
Of the calves on the warm hillside
Or the kettle on the hob
Sing peace into his breast
Or see the brown mice bob
Round and round the oatmeal chest.
For he comes, the human child
To the waters and the wild
With a faery hand in hand
For the world’s more full of weeping
Than you can understand.
偷来的孩子
在高原的低洼里
在湖中的木丛下
躺着一个枝繁叶茂的小岛
那里的苍鹭挥舞翅膀
惊醒了困乏的水鼠
那里我们藏着精灵的罐子
里面装满了莓子
和最红的偷来的樱桃
来吧，凡人的小孩
来到水边，来到野外
手里牵着精灵
因为这世界充满了
你所不懂的哭泣
当月光的波浪点缀
阴暗的灰色沙滩
在遥远的萝丝岸边
我们彻夜奔走
编织着古老的舞步
穿插手臂交换眼神
直到月亮盾去
我们摇摆跳跃
追赶层层的泡沫
而充满矛盾的世界
正在睡梦中焦虑
跟着我们他走远了
带着严肃的眼睛
他不会再听到
牛犊在暖坡上的低鸣
或是火焰上的水壶
不会再从胸膛里歌颂和平
或是看到棕色老鼠
围着麦片转圈
因为他来了，凡人的小孩
来到水边，来到野外
手里牵着精灵
因为这世界充满了
你还不懂的哭泣
巧克力猫王
来自遥远的巴比伦
真真的是巧。
我正在制作的歌，跟这个非常相似。
前两句是，午夜的湖畔，系紧我们的心船。
嘿嘿。很象吧。不过制作这个歌，快累死了我。弄了近三个月了。
》嘿嘿。那就多读些叶芝吧，找点灵感。 －－ 琪子
Human Child 是不是可以翻译成“凡人的小孩”？
》恩，凡人的小孩。很好。
For the world’s more full of weeping
Than you can understand.
我会翻译成
因为这世上还有很多
你所不了解的哭泣 （眼泪？）
By far off furthest rosses
好像Yeats原文是Rosses，大写的，好像是个地名？Rosses Point?
》哦！google了一下，原来是地名。而且原文是Far off by furthest rosses。：）这样一来清楚多了。
Weaving olden dances
Mingling hands and mingling glances
编织古老缠绵的舞蹈
交缠的双手和胶着的目光
The lines that really threw me in a loop is the first two:
Where dips the rocky highland
Of sleuth wood in the lake
What exactly does it mean? could it be “Where the rocky highland dips of sleuth wood in the lake”? instead of a “parallel” like you did? mainly because of the following two lines:
Where flapping herons wake
The drowsy water rats
here the verb is on the first line, so shouldn’t they match each other?
But “dips of blahblah in sth sth” doesn’t make much sense to me.
》Without the inversion, it would be
》” where the rocky highlands dips
》 of sleuth wood in the lake”
》大意是’sleuth wood in the lake affects the dip in the rocky highlands”。Sleuth wood，查了一下，网上有人说是Yeats对于slish wood的改写。slish wood — 尖尖的木头？
I donno.
In summary, i would’ve translated it into a more elaborate form, yours sound very concise, while the original read more exaggerate and 小资 to me. :p
》I like concise better, though the original does have more flourish. But no one can possibly sound bourgeois while eating patatoes, so Yeats can’t count as 小资，even though he is a poet.
that makes sense, so the highliand dips (because) of sleuth wood in the lake.
I somehow imagined “sleuth wood” is a formation of forest that has a pointy “tongue” that led to the water. it is like a drape that the highland wears… :p
It might also be the floating wood in the lake that weighted down the highland? but i like the forest idea better.
》The picture in my mind is more of a lake in the middle of a highland. In the middle of the lake is a little island covered by dense pointy green forest, which probably also covers the land around and leading into the edges of the lake.
》A pretty picture, no matter which way you look at it.
》 －－琪子